The Pattern, The Function-Without You

The Pattern

Two brothers.
One kills himself,
The other kills others.
Both kill their mother.

Sensitized by the older one.
He’s critical like our father.
Now, like a balloon on fabric,
I stick to the hand that hurts me.
Electrified, I pick up the dust particles
in the atmosphere.
If I let the air out of the balloon,
will I become desensitized?
I stay inflated, to stay alive.

They were our father’s problems,
but they were your foundations.
They shook at the beginning,
transferred onto you.
On the whole you have stopped shaking now.
But when you act the way he did,
your vibrations still hurt me.

Saddened by the little one.
Choose another addiction.
This one is killing you,
and you’re too young to die.
You want to remain a blank page,
when you’re full of words.
You’re full of light, and full of life.
You want to stand still,
when it’s safe to see the green
shining bright.
The light’s not red anymore.
Adjust your glasses.
And instead of seeing red,
you’ll be seeing green.

You came for a visit, my little brother,
a ticking time bomb.
You sat on the sofa,
comfortable in your denial.
Our mother released
her anxiety in the toilet.
I endured the reality of the truth,
that soon something would happen to you
if you did not stop the junk food
and cigarettes.
You fell asleep, ticking.
You woke up
and picked up your sugar free cake,
that earlier I had baked.
And then you took a cab home to avoid
a fifteen minute walk.

The Function – Without You

I went as a facsimile of myself.
I said the things that I would have said,
behaved the way that I would have behaved.
I dressed the way that I should dress.
I inserted laughter in the right places.
But when I looked at the crowd
I couldn’t see faces;
although they had the outline
of people I knew
and inhabited their spaces.
I still was not present
because of what you had done.
I was still out for the count,
although your knockout blow
was over two years ago.

 

Angela Hammond is a freelance writer from London. She loves writing every day and specializes in poetry. She has had several individual poems published by United Press and two collections published by them. In March this year, her poem “Watermark” was published by FIVE Poetry magazine.

Image credit:Brandon Smith “ShapeShifter”