Mother Dick, you are a douche. Start using yourself like the tool you are. Start by draping yourself with bath blankets and water proof pads. I hear Egyptian cotton is amazing, make sure you grab those. Next insert your middle finger into your ear. Shove it into your brain. I would suggest anesthesia but, being a Mother Dick, you can’t feel things anyway. Take a deep breath, slow and deep, while gradually inserting that middle finger. Penetrate. Loosen the hardened fecal mass you call a brain. Get that excrement out. And don’t forget the importance of hand hygiene. You can rest at intervals; Egyptian cotton sheets are ready.