Tag Archives: Rants

Believe It Or Not, *I CAN* Make Fun Of COVFEFE Without Forgetting We Are In Real & Serious Danger

*In Barenaked Ladies voice* iiiiit’s been ONE WEEK since you “covfefe!”… Just kidding. It’s been five days. But still, goes to show you how fast the “Trump incompetence news cycle” is these days! Why, I’m old enough to remember the time we spent a full ten, eleven days IN SHOCK because tapes had surfaced of Candidate …

No Complaints

By Jillian Green DiGiacomo At age 39, I resolved that I would not be fat and 40. I managed to keep that resolution the day I turned 41. Last year, I vowed to never go to bed with even one dirty dish in the sink. And, true to my word, there never was just one. …

2nd Presidential Debate, or, What Donald Trump Doesn’t Know About Government Could Fill Hillary Clinton’s Resumé

Welcome back to the OTV Debate Coverage 2016. Today we’re recovering from not only the 2nd Presidential Debate, but also Columbus Day, the holiday when we celebrate the arrival of a clueless outsider into an arena where he was unwanted and uninvited, whereupon he set in motion the events that would lead to more than 500 years of …

A Rant for the Everyday Douchebags and Tinder Trolls

Mother Dick, you are a douche. Start using yourself like the tool you are. Start by draping yourself with bath blankets and water proof pads. I hear Egyptian cotton is amazing, make sure you grab those. Next insert your middle finger into your ear. Shove it into your brain. I would suggest anesthesia but, being a Mother Dick, you can’t feel things anyway. Take a deep breath, slow and deep, while gradually inserting that middle finger. Penetrate. Loosen the hardened fecal mass you call a brain. Get that excrement out. And don’t forget the importance of hand hygiene. You can rest at intervals; Egyptian cotton sheets are ready.