A Rant for the Everyday Douchebags and Tinder Trolls

Mother Dick, you are a douche. Start using yourself like the tool you are. Start by draping yourself with bath blankets and water proof pads. I hear Egyptian cotton is amazing, make sure you grab those. Next insert your middle finger into your ear. Shove it into your brain. I would suggest anesthesia but, being a Mother Dick, you can’t feel things anyway. Take a deep breath, slow and deep, while gradually inserting that middle finger. Penetrate. Loosen the hardened fecal mass you call a brain. Get that excrement out. And don’t forget the importance of hand hygiene. You can rest at intervals; Egyptian cotton sheets are ready.

Another Rant To Internet Trolls in the Era of Trump

Image obtained from Someecards.com It’s been one of those summers. You know the kind. The temperature rises, then the MotherDick Insurgency begins. At first I thought, no, don’t do it. Another MotherDickrant isn’t going to help anybody. Except, well me. So why the hell not!? Image obtained from Someecards.com First, to the MotherDick who blurted out …

It’s Okay to Think about Your Hair

My phone rings. I’m brushing my teeth. As I’m reading the text, I feel the acid in my stomach. I cough. Bile comes up. Brushing again. More stomach acid. Vomit in the sink. I remember what I plan to do today: stay as busy as possible, and put this blog post off till I’m inspired, moved, angered. …

About A Girl : The Truth About Angels

I have only one course of action, bravery, strength, survival, happiness, anything less would not suffice as a thank you. I will not waste a minute of my life waiting to be saved. I will save myself, love myself, appreciate myself, understand myself, and protect myself so that she may one day not have to worry if I will be okay. I’m okay, she saved me already, and the rest is up to me.