So one of the YouTubers I subscribe to got herself a boob job. You might see that opening and think this might be an opinion on women’s bodies piece; if you do, you’re wrong. Her boobs, her choice; it made her happy so nothing more need be said. You might also wonder why I’m bothering talking about girl-parts in a boy-centered column and if that’s the case, keep reading and it’ll all make perfect sense. Hopefully.

The YouTuber who made the announcement is Jaclyn Glenn. If you want to hear her reasons for having the surgery, the video is up and waiting for you. If you don’t want to click a simple link and spend about ten minutes hearing her story from her lips (and shame on you for not doing so), I’ll sum it up: she wanted boobs. Her chest size has been an issue for her since high school.

She never hated herself or felt less womanly because of her membership in the itty bitty titty committee; she just wanted to feel sexy, something everyone wants. So, she went for it. Should be the end of the story, right? Not according to Onision (a former friendish person of hers who makes a habit of being a jerk of epic proportions); in a video dripping with misogyny, he basically talked down to her for her choice (which he also asserts is very probably her boyfriend’s decision ‘cause why else would a woman get implants if not for a man, amirite?) while claiming he “cares”. Yeah, he’s a dick. She responded. It was a whole affair I’d suggest anyone witness.

Jaclyn Glenn 1

So why am I talking about this? How can this exchange possibly have anything to do with my column? Well…

I’ve previously written about body issues and how boys deal with them more often than the general public admits; contrary to popular belief, it’s complicated being born with a penis. You see the ideal male form in movies, magazines and your favorite television shows; men with freakishly large members in pornography (yeah, I’m not about to pretend there’s a huge chunk of the population who hasn’t seen something dirty); the Real Man mentality pushes the gym-and-steroid physique as the ultimate goal. And these things, left unchecked by reality, can cause harmful effects on psyches young and old. They can, and have, pushed boys and men to make changes to themselves with the goal of some fool’s acceptance. They truly hate themselves and see the only way to any kind of self-love is under a plastic surgeon’s skilled knife.

But not everyone who sees something they want to change doesn’t also love themselves.

You can still be healthy and happy and live the hell out of life even if there’s this one thing you would like to see altered. There are many, many cases of someone who, while they adore and accept themselves, sees one thing that they wish was different. In Jaclyn’s case, it was her bra size; she’s not the first Miss to want a bit more (or less) beneath her blouse. Anyone can understand that desire, no matter the parts. It could be weight, height, muscle mass, penis or nose or nipple or feet size. The list goes on and on and on. Having these kinds of thoughts, while caused by society’s habit of dictating what perfection is (and the further you fall from that the worse off you might feel), is now par for the course.

The important thing is to look inside and decide if it’s truly worth making changes to your body. Jaclyn for years was bothered by her lack of boobs and decided, on her own, to undergo the routine surgery. It was her choice.

She was not pressured by anyone; family, friends, lover all supported her decision. They loved and accepted her before and when she told them of her plans that did not change. And it all worked out great. She’s happy with the results and, in the end, that’s all that matters.

If a change is what you want, make the change. Nobody has the right to tell you otherwise.

Unfortunately, it’s not always that simple. Some things, like waistlines, can be changed with some exercise and diet (sometimes surgery) but others, like many boys’ biggest concern, simply cannot. There are no ways to change the size of your pecker; DNA has the final say. Yeah, there are procedures that might extend it a little but the risks – like it not working after – are too great. Sorry, boys, but unlike breasts you’ve no choice but to accept what your mama (and dada) gave ya. But that doesn’t mean you need live in misery. Because, well, size really isn’t everything.


You know who makes a huge fuss over penis size? The penis owner. Those who do not have them don’t typically comment on who’s got how much. Truth? Nobody cares and it’s all in your head. I know popular culture likes to act like inches actually matter but they don’t, so relax and enjoy. That won’t stop everyone who obsesses from obsessing but there’s only so much I can do from a keyboard. If you look down at your lap and wish there was some more going on, remind yourself that it’ll still give pleasure and make babies and there’s nothing wrong with it. It’ll serve you well, no matter its length and girth. The same goes for other things where size might concern you; if they can’t be altered but still do as nature intended, then don’t let it bother you. You’re good. Honest.

Of course, feel free to change the parts that can be changed if that’s what you want to do. Just be sure it’s your choice and no one else’s. Want to lose a few pounds? Go for it. Want to build some muscle? Have at it but know not every boy can get pumped up; again, DNA. Want to go blond for a season? L’Oreal makes a great product. But before you put the effort in, do as Jaclyn did and be sure it’ll really make you happy. It’s your body. You should only upgrade it if it’ll make you happier and healthier and more confident in yourself and not in someone else’s eyes ‘cause if the only reflection you see is from some else’s perspective, the journey to a happy you will be a never ending one.

And in case you don’t know, contrary to what Onision claimed, making changes doesn’t mean you’re being manipulated or controlled; it can and often does come from within. Yeah, there are those out there who might try and convince you to make a cosmetic change but they’re as scummy as Mr. I-wouldn’t-let-my-girl-get-bigger-boobs (yes, he said that shit) and shouldn’t be listened to. If someone says not to do something because they find it wrong or gross or unnatural (as if his eyeliner is a birth mark) they don’t deserve to be in your stratosphere. Dump ‘em and move on. Making yourself complete is about you and what you believe is right, not some loudmouth vlogger who thinks anyone cares what he wanks to.

Any change you make to your body should come from you. Don’t let society tell you you’re not good enough because you don’t measure up to some damn near impossible and ridiculous standard. If you, and only you, see something about yourself that you want different then by all means, make it so. It’s your skin; you should feel secure in it. And if you just flat out hate yourself, please seek help; it’s out there. Nobody deserves to feel like they’re not good enough. You are.

Got a question you want answered or a topic you want me to cover? Send ‘em to me! I’m the only one who sees them so you don’t have to worry about anyone knowing who are. Oh, and y’know that picture behind the title up top? That was taken by cookiejarstock. You can find their stuff at You should take a peek.

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Will is an author and artist and producer (it’s only one indie short film but it’s on so it totes counts!) and pain in the ass. He rather opinionated and has no problem sharing his thoughts on a variety of topics from the current freakshow that is Election 2016 (how is Trump still running?) to the importance of matching that belt to those shoes. He adores penguins and has a maniacal plan to use an army of them to take over the world and crown himself Emperor of All That Is (though he’d be happy with the Winter Russian Palace in what he would rename Mine!-Mine!-Mine!) but until then enjoys hiding away in his apartment and writing all sorts of tales that would worry that cokehead Sigmund Freud (really, we should believe he snorted for science!?) and drawing pictures of his creations that you can read and see on his website. He sometimes wonders what it would be like to be Sean Connery’s illegitimate son but his mother insists the former James Bond is most certainly NOT his father, though he still holds out hope. He’s also convinced that he’s a descendant of King Henry VIII through his famous mistress, Mary Boleyn. And nothing DNA could say would change his mind so it’s best to just hand over the crown and evict that damn pretender, Elizabeth II. You can find him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, DeviantArt, Google+ and Pinterest where, if you follow him, he will adore you forever and one day and allow you to reside peacefully in the Empire of All That Is. But, if you don’t…


  1. Amazing! From someone who wants a boob job in her near future when she is done using them for babies and from someone whose husband has had issues with his “size” his whole life and has tried to find ways to change it in the past. This article made me feel A LOT better about knowing when a decision is right or wrong for myself. Also it gave me a new perspective on how guys feel about their penis and how unlike woman’s body parts they can’t change it. Thank you for that. Always looking for views I have never thought of before.


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