High-Heeled Haikus

By James W. Gaynor

The Inner Musings of Ivanka™, Melania™, and Tiffany™ Trump™

Valentine’s Day chezTrump, like any typical American mega-brand / conglomerate / family has its particular winding search for love, its own silences and unspoken pain.  And possibly some chocolate.

In the Land of Trump, love may be blind, but trusts are not. The art of love is also the art of the deal — and the accumulation and conspicuous spending of money is at the heart of all interfamilial transactions.

In this now painfully public search for love and approval one wonders what is really going on behind those faultlessly mascara-ed eyes (well, not Tiffany’s). Ivanka is a fashion brand unto herself and the empire’s crown princess. Melania, aka the Third Lady, is something of an enigma, due in large part to her seclusion and charmingly incomprehensible speech patterns. And then there’s Tiffany.   Enough said.

Introducing the Trumpian Women, an unspoken chorus of heartbroken haiku. Always well-dressed. Always moisturized. And always wearing heels (by Ivanka™).


  • Some boots are made for
  • Walking. Mine are designed to
  • Communicate hate!


  • Manufactured in
  • China. Perfect for trampling
  • On the Bill of Rights!


  • Goosestep away in
  • All shades of white! Produced by
  • Slave labor with love.


  • You can wear my shoes
  • Everywhere and anytime!
  • Unless you’re Muslim.


  • White supremacy
  • Is more than just a color.
  • It’s a whole new look!



  • My new line reflects
  • The American rainbow!
  • P.S. That means “white.”


  • You may have heard that
  • Nordstrom booted me. Fake news!
  • Kellyanne says so.


  • My shoes slip on and
  • Off as easily as my
  • New religious faith.


  • Whenever Mel is
  • M.I.A., spike heels help me
  • Loom over Bannon!


  • So proud to be one
  • Of the #WomenWhoWork at
  • The (very) White House!




  • What was I thinking?
  • I could have married the fat
  • Brazilian playboy.


  • Being a stepmom
  • To this snarling pack of wolves?
  • Way worse than you know.


  • I gave up more than
  • I thought when I married him.
  • Missing my tear ducts.


  • I can scream, “Save me,
  • Someone! Please! ” fluently in
  • Seven languages.


  • I had the cheekbones.
  • He had the money. But now
  • All I want is out.



  • This would be almost
  • Tolerable if only
  • I didn’t hate him.


  • A girl can only
  • Moisturize so much without
  • Looking desperate.


  • Mother was wrong. It’s
  • Not as easy to love a
  • Rich man. Now I know.


  • “It seemed like a good
  • Idea at the time” does not
  • Really explain this.


  • Michelle said I could
  • Call her, but no one ever
  • Answers. Wrong number?



  • I am Trump Bunch Jan —
  • Lost in Ivanka’s shadow.
  • I hate her. A lot.


  • Mom and Dad were all
  • Let’s name her after a store.
  • I really hate them.


  • Whenever I feel
  • Sorry for Melania
  • I call my mother.


  • In every pic
  • I’m always off to one side.
  • Like literally.


  • Mom told the Post that
  • Dad was the best sex ever.
  • Seriously?!  Ewwww ….


  • Melania said
  • To get out while I can. Not
  • Hating her so much.


  • Her code name’s “Marvel”
  • And I’m “TBD”? I hate
  • The Secret Service.
  • Sometimes I can’t tell
  • Eric from Donnie Jr.
  • Not that it matters.


  • Their affair began
  • In church. Lucky me — not named
  • Marble Collegiate.


  • Everybody knows
  • Who his favorite child is.
  • This family sucks.


  • No one understands
  • What Mel’s saying half the time.
  • ROTFL.


  • Mom and Kathie Lee
  • Prayed together on cheating.
  • Jesus said OK.


  • Melania says
  • Why don’t I move in with her?
  • We’re thinking Brazil.


  • Happy Father’s Day!
  • Alec Baldwin will play you
  • In the film made from my book.



© James W. Gaynor

Everything Becomes a Poem  available at Amazon and Barnes and Noble

Hear James being interviewed about the book here.


James W. Gaynor is a poet, artist, editor, and writer. A graduate of Kenyon College, he lived in Paris, where he taught a course on Emily Dickinson at the University of Paris, studied the development of the psychological novel in
17th -century France, and worked as a translator.

After returning to New York, Gaynor worked as an editor at Grosset & Dunlap, Cuisine magazine, Scriptwriter News and Forbes Publications, where he was on the editorial staff of the Social Register. His articles, book reviews and essays have appeared in The New York Observer, and he recently retired as the Global Verbal Identity Leader for Ernst & Young LLP.

A silver medalist in the 1994 Gay Games (Racewalking), Gaynor’s found-object sculpture has been exhibited internationally. He is a member of the Advisory Board of New York’s The Creative Center at University Settlement, a nonprofit organization dedicated to bringing the creative arts to people with cancer and chronic illnesses.

An avid urbanite, Gaynor lives in New York City.

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