Awakened by a nightmare
my shard reflection appeared.
Broken, my eyes hollowed in black
I am haunted by this vacant stare.
Rape erased the play for dolls and lace
left me an empty shell of innocence lost
an endless search in grey
for the colored missing pieces.
Dreams replaced with fear
comfort is only found in the focus of blur.
Could it had been different
if someone would have seen
or would they have looked aside
hoping it would all go away?
There are those who want to wear
rose colored glasses
to blind their eyes
but you cannot canopy the cruel.
Violence always began
with his ice cold stare
sharp is the edge
dull is the blade.
I became the field
where violent storms hail the crops
paralyzed, my nights
full of frost and ghosts.
He forced open my legs
carved the fear of dark with every repeat.
He forced his hand over my mouth
I am emptied of words.
He forced himself inside me
my body painfully invaded.
With my eyes closed
I could only focus on rain.
He stole my breath intimidated my thinking
trapped in time I wandered in confusion.
Left with visions of night-monsters
far beyond the adrenaline captivating ones.
* * *
Years drive by with choices to make
I try to let go, can memories fade?
A compassionate man with gentle touch
shows kindness, love, and tender care
looks into my eyes, speaks words
the mirror tried to tell me for years.
Stopped at an intersection
I glance in the rear-view mirror.
I finally see that it is not my shame
I sever the past speak to the glass
say goodbye to the fractures
that are no longer me.
Rain now falls in gentle waves
I see my real image, and begin sweet dreams.
Written by Mary Schmidt
Image credit: “Rearview Mirror” captured by Jeronimo Sanz