Yellow Rose


I’m visualizing
the yellow rose.
It is fresh. The scent
is sweet and soft.
The petals like velvet.
They soothe me,
their aroma intoxicates.
Someone has removed
the thorns. Not afraid
to touch…nothing is going
to hurt me.

**This poem was taken from texts between myself and my editor, cousin and best friend ( even though miles separate us), Shawna Ayoub Ainslie. Feeling alone and afraid I used the image of the tulip she had sent me. A simple photograph as a way to ground me.  I often feel lost, hurt, broken and sterile. Lifeless, afraid, eager to escape.

It was never a rose. There were never any thorns. The image you see is what I saw the day I was on my knees. Tears overflowing. Life spinning so fast…I couldn’t catch my balance. On that day that photo stopped the whirling. The noise. I found peace.

Throughout that week our conversations led to my deep connection to nature and all the beauty it brings to life. She captured a part of my soul in that photo, one she had taken without ever knowing that one day it would take me from The Verge of something horrible. I remain On The Verge. The difference is I am not alone. Miles away with a connection so strong I thought was only in books.

This isn’t the best poem ever written. However, everyone should know that sometimes saving a life is as simple as reaching out to them. I can feel the love. For several weeks now, we went from talking daily to instead me shutting down. I did this as a means of reconnecting with my children. My husband is going through a tough time causing us all to spiral. My saving grace has been my connection to her. We are family yet we never grew up together. We met as children yet I wrote about her and her sister in short stories all my life, always wishing we could live out the adventures of our youth together. Instead we are going to live out the adventures of our adult lives together.

Thank you, Shawna.  I can never put into words how many times you have saved my life by simply relating to me, speaking to me, trying to understand me, all the while never pushing me. I love you.

Photo captured by Shawna Ayoub Ainslie


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