Wonder

@monica_urbano

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One soul. Separated
torn with shameful thoughts
I don’t deserve anything
good, you lift me up
I feel like
Shareen. Not the labels
all lies. I studied to be something,
I  was already something.
Beaten for not agreeing
with discord,
beaten for not towing
the line.
we were in the same womb

What you have
is not measured
you understand,
you listen,
you feel,
you are
me, but more
beautiful on the inside.

I’m crying .
I’m sorry.
You move me
forward.
I curl away
But you,
you come down and say
look up–there’s more to do

Sorry
brain cluster fuck.
Just know I
look forward to seeing you.
Knowing your kids
breaking the cycle.
our parents don’t think we will  share
the land that’s ours,
but I see us there.
Our grandkids will plant figs,
apricots,
olives,
the fruit of our land.
OURS, we will thrive
together.

I don’t know if I told you but I felt unraveled.
I sat on the front lawn,
dug my hands
moist, fertile , freshly pulled up
made me feel cleansed.

I couldn’t breathe,
I remembered what you said
about the dirt,
no gloves.
Instead of taking a pill,
I sat there
for two hours.
injected each seed
into the earth
where it belonged.
I brushed off stones ,
played with clay.
And I thought
if she hadn’t said it was ok to do this
I would feel crazy for wanting to.